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Therapy, like I always believe, is a two sided process…the ‘therapist’ is not necessarily an ‘expert’ about the story of the other person, but has perspectives or insights drawn from years of study, research, inquiry, working with other people and (best of all, if they have) been through their own ‘therapeutic unraveling’ as well. This position is of course also one of the corner stones of collaborative dialogues that come from social constructionism.
- Wherever you are at present in your ‘journey’ has taken a long time to get there- so to get you to a point (of ‘stability’, ‘recovery’ or successful ‘rehabilitation’), toward which our dialogue is also targeting, will also take time. Do not expect miracles or instant solutions. Humans are complex beings and even if you are simple in your own words, the world that you live in is NOT. So to deal with that complexity takes a lot of thinking, insights and support. That is what I am here for.
- Therapeutic dialogues are a commitment you make to yourself and not to me– once you understand that, we both honor our commitment of time, payment, and sticking to one’s promises and goals- only then it helps you. So please help me, help you.
- You are valuable – even if you are unable to pay sometimes. And I do expect that my effort is something that you value as well, for without that we would just be repeating ourselves in every communication, and it would not get us anywhere.
- I do not like to make anyone dependent upon me. The purpose of a therapeutic dialogue is to someday get free of that need for therapeutic support. I will never ask for the next appointment with you, until you do yourself. Even if I feel that you need to talk to me with a certain regularity, unless you feel that within yourself, you will never benefit and our whole exercise will be in vain. So remember you will never face this question from me, ‘when are we talking again?’
- Try not to talk about others during the session with me, for we cannot impact them. It is YOU who is the center of our dialogue, focus and effort. If we have to talk about significant others in your life, it should only be to the extent of how to ‘deal with’ them. We DO NOT discuss the stories or problems of your friends, family or anyone during our chat with one another.
- I would recommend even writing down things that could be talked in the course of our communication- for it will help you align your thoughts and divide your time sensibly and effectively.
- Remember, no matter what I say, or however firm I may sound- I AM ON YOUR SIDE all the time, unconditionally and that is the most important thing for me. I am a part of your support system, your wellness and I always think of how to do something that would bring out the best possible results for you. But you have to lead the way, I will just support you in that from the outside, or help you refine your plans, programs or ideas.
- The more you remain committed and disciplined about the therapeutic dialogue with me, the more we both gain– in knowledge and you will gain in confidence.
- Always keep the dialogic possibility open, even if we do not communicate for long months or years, because even if you ever return back, you will find a friend and confidante in me, not someone who is indifferent to you. At all points I am committed to remain as your support system. Do not doubt that.
- Lastly, do not feel worried if we cannot see one another face-to-face. The whole purpose of new technology is to cut the barriers of time and distance. From anywhere in the world now people can connect with anyone- use it to your best advantage. I do too- in reaching across to people seeking their guidance for my work and expertise. Do not feel that I have to be in your town only to help you. I am here in the world and science has reached a point of breaking down these barriers of space and time- let us be wise for our own good.
In case you are in a position to pay for consulting with me, please do not hesitate to offer it, though if I have offered to help you, I will not ask you to by myself. However, please consider the possibility that by taking money from one who can pay, I can offer free support to someone who cannot afford it and requires it equally as much as someone who can pay. I have learnt one thing in the course of this life, that usually when we pay others what is their due, we gain most from their knowledge- especially if it is a source of their livelihoods.