Mr. Rail Minister-acche din dooor hain

Dear Rail Minister of India, Mr Suresh Prabhu. Namaskar

I sent a parcel from Delhi (PRR number 4000377207) NZM station to Madgaon, in Goa on the 10th June, 2016. The parcel was loaded by a young man who works in our domestic enterprise, his name being Pundalik Zalmi.

Pundalik Zalmi (Gokul) is a simple village boy, who by dint of sheer labour and tenacity has worked his way into being the right hand man of the owner of the enterprise, my spouse. In his family he is the only one who has come so far- economically or socially. He was on his maiden trip to Delhi- to assist me with something. He took the parcel and landed up on the Nizammuddin Station. First of all, he encountered a coolie, who demanded Rs.1200/- to help him reach the parcel to its destination, which was the parcel office of the Indian Rail. When someone intervened the coolie agreed to do the job for Rs.700/-

In the ensuing pell-mell that happened somehow the coolie rushed him into the train, having booked his parcel allegedly on the same Rajdhani Express that Gokul was taking- train number 22414, NZM-MAO. When he got down the next day at Madgaon, the parcel had not reached with him- he went and checked in the luggage van too. He was confused, for it was the first time he was doing such a job.

Next day, and for several days after that he kept going to Madgaon Station every single day, a distance of eight/nine kilometers from our home, asking around for the parcel and then talking to whoever concerned at the station. Several times this was done by another of his colleagues Pravin Shirodkar, who is the driver in the enterprise.

After a few days, there was no sign of the parcel and everyday we were going up and down. Then I spoke with someone in the railway, who suggested I send a twitter message to report the misplacing of my parcel. I was anxious- I had just returned from Delhi myself, the day before and seven days after Gokul but the parcel was still not to be found. I needed the contents of the parcel for my next travel, which is due on the 1st July 2016- I have to return to Delhi with my two dogs, by Jet Airways. My parcel contained doggy crates- PVC containers meant for carrying small animals  by plane.

Upon the suggestion I sent the following tweet

PRR no.4000377207 sent HNzm to MAO_ Goa, 10Jun,16, not received till date. Plz help urgently. Load train 22414, PNR2765467844

This was followed by a daily round of tweeting to scores of people, who linked me to one another. The entire conversation can be seen here-

 https://twitter.com/HansadhwaniP/with_replies

Into the dialogue were roped the Konkan Railway, the Madgaon station people, the NZM station people, the freight people in New Delhi and of course the rail ministry in India. IN the medley, I saw many a bad egg and a few good apples too. This open message to you, Mr. Prabhu is written to bring to your notice one practice, which is perhaps going on regularly in the railways and is routinely unreported or brushed under the carpet.

After my first tweet of 18th, the following week, on Tuesday, 21st June after trying desperately to get hold of some information about the parcel we finally got in touch with one Superintendent at the NZM station called Mr. Meena. He told us that the parcel had been loaded on the train, as per the details here ( i noted them from the website myself)

Parcel/Luggage/VP Details
PRR No./PWB No. 4000377207 Scale Booking Date
From Station HAZRAT NIZAM-UD-DIN JN. Destination Station MAO-MADGOAN JN.
Consignee Name and Address – – – Consignor Name and Address – – –
Item Description Total No. Status
PVC GOODS 1
Last Loading Train No. 22414 Last Loading Stn. NZM-HAZRAT NIZAM-UD-DIN JN. Last Loading Date 10-Jun-2016 11:24
Status Loaded on train Stn. NZM-HAZRAT NIZAM-UD-DIN JN. Status Date 10-Jun-2016 11:25
Last Unoading Train No. Last Unoading Stn. Last Unoading Date

He repeated the same message to everyone concerned.

Now Sir, just make a note of the following- The time of departure of the Madgaon Rajdhani is 10:55 am. IF the train left at 10:55, can any parcel be loaded in it at 11:24 logically?

In several conversations, Mr. Meena (mobile number 09717- 999425) had with both me and my husband he repeated the same information. In the final dialogue we had with him, he even told me that the parcel had been sent to Panvel, instead of Madgoan (perhaps to get rid of our persistent queries?).

Since I was in touch with a gentleman called Upendra Shindye from the Konkan Railways, who had been kind enough to call me on his own, in response to my twitter message to Konkan Railway Corp, I requested Mr. Shindye to make inquiries at his end. He did- I think he even sent someone to Panvel, from Mumbai, though I am not sure about it.

We were already more than ten days from the time the parcel had been loaded. I was worried for a lot hinges on it for me in the present moment for me. Mr. Shindye promised to update me by the evening. The date being 22nd June-12 days later. Meanwhile our rounds to the Madgaon Station were in vain everyday- but we still went. Either Gokul went or Pravin.

Finally my husband went on 22nd- we were all worried, and he met someone there, who promised to help him, then did not call. Later a gentleman called up Gokul and spoke with my husband too. He identified himself as one Mr. Murli (mobile +91 9004476083)- who said he was investigating the case of the missing parcel. My husband proposed to him that he probe into one angle- that the parcel had never left from Delhi in this whole span of time.

Lo and behold…Mr. Murli called and confirmed the suspicion, and said that the parcel would be leaving on the 22nd June 2016, by Goa Express and reach Madgaon on 24th. Later Mr. Shindye of Konkan railways also confirmed the same. IN other words, in this whole span of 12 days when we were all tearing our hair, Mr. Meena kept misleading every single person- saying the parcel had been loaded on the train, whose details are there on the website.

Who is updating the website?

My query and concern to you, Honorable Minister is this-

  1. If the parcel was not loaded on the train, how did it start reflecting on the website?
  2. What sort of a fraud is happening here – in which people’s parcels are getting lost? I at least had access to internet and even twitter, but what about those who cannot use these new technologies? Do you think every Indian who is using the railways for sending parcels is having a twitter account- to knock at your doors for lost goods?
  3. I am told that people are compensated @50/- per kilo of the weight of their parcels. what sort of a way is this to ascribe value to goods people are sending? (My parcel was carrying goods worth at least Rs.50,000/-, though its weight was a mere 25 kgs)
  4. There is a deep flaw in the way parcels are tracked– and there is no verification happening. IF a man can tell us that the parcel has left the station, while it is very much lying on the station, what do you think is happening in this department? How can the website be uploaded and scores of people mislead?
  5. Can you please initiate an inquiry about how goods are getting lost in the Indian rail parcel service and start fixing responsibility for the same?

Can we think of simple village folks like Pundalik Zalmi who come from their villages and lose their belongings on trains, never to have any voice in the whole din and cacophony of the Indian Rail?

Is size of the Indian Rail so big that we do not now care about the common Indian people who use it day and night, putting their hard earned money into goods they transport by trains everyday?

Would a Pundalik Zalmi, not backed by his employers who were English speaking, twitter familiar people, have found his parcel? Would he have the resources to keep going to the station, everyday, leaving his work behind, without losing his job? What employer would have allowed him the leave and not believed that he was lying about the loss of the parcel? 

Today is 24th June, 2016, and true to the word given by Mr. Murli and Mr. Shindye, the parcel reached Madgaon and we duly got a call at 7am confirming that. We of course have to pay a price of Rs.2880/- as the rent of one of them, for we were being charged @ 180/day for the same. The parcel that would have come on 11th, would have meant only four days of rental, instead of the 16 it has become.

But that is not the point, Mr. Minister. The point I am trying to make is would the average Indian have managed to stir so much action? Are we really empowering our people by giving them redressal mechanism via the twitter and other social media?

I am grateful that the twitter action works, but how many Indians have access to it and they use the Indian Rail? Please stop by at any station, Sir, and take a look at the India that travels by train- maybe you would think of other ways to touch their lives and save their hard earned belongings.

(i wish there was a way to measure the quantum of suffering this experience has caused us, starting from the encounter with the coolie- a great shame I assure you)

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Why family support is NOT WORKING in mental health

This article can be downloaded from here, and is one of the resources offered by Antardhwanee. In this location, this article is titled, Families and Recovery.

In societies where social resources in health are limited, families play a crucial role in the illness and recovery of people. In mental health the case is even more so. For long periods, it is the family alone that bears the brunt of people’s illness and disabilities. Sometimes this may amount of a lifetime, and then the parents/siblings, who are the primary caregivers end up with the massive concern of who will look after their loved one[1], after their own demise.

Here is a brief list of findings, that research leads me to conclude, in the context of roles that families are playing, which ensure that people remain mentally ill, rather than recover and reintegrate back into society. This list is not exhaustive and as study is an ongoing process more thoughts will get added to this. Here are the beginning ideas.

Learning to be helpless together

Sometimes when one person is given a mental illness diagnosis, the whole family is paralyzed by a fear that mental illness has crept into their gene pool. They feel  extreme pressure due to the diagnosis and the social stigma associated with it. They all feel helpless about it and the infirmity or sense of loss that accompanies mental illness diagnosis of one person, in fact impacts everyone deeply. Secretly, they all start analyzing their own behaviours to see whether some traits of it are also lying within them!

In such a case if another member of the family faces anything of a similar nature, they are very quick to take action and take them for a ‘check up’ as well.

Protecting the loved one interminably

I have seen personally families being so defensive about their loved ones, that they keep protecting them from the world around. At times it amounts to the extreme case of hiding them from view, or not letting their loved one engage in any social milieu by themselves or without supervision. It aids in chocking both the people or set of people very severely, as no new ideas can come into the ecosystem, which does not interact with the outside world in any significant ways.

I have even seen another extreme, which surfaces in scenarios of marriage. I am not sure if this happens in India, but I have seen it here only. I have seen multiple families ‘hiding’ the mental illness diagnosis from the partners of their loved ones. As a result people are not able to remain truthful in relationships, and the trust that could be there between married partners never develops fully, because one partner knows they are not honest. This protectionism of the parents does not allow the partners to be one another’s greatest support systems, which marriage was traditionally meant to be.

Hero worshipping

Paradoxical as it may sound, I have found in many families that parents or siblings talk about their loved one, with a great fondness and regard, often attributing their mental illness to a ‘high IQ’, superior intelligence, artistic abilities or anything else like that. Though there are studies that have proved that mental illness is more positively linked to artistic creativity, the reverse is not true. Artistic creativity does not appear out of the blue, just because you are mentally ill and therefore your intelligence is also more than the average person.

By making their loved believe they are ‘smarter than the average’, families bestow them with a sense of entitlement, which means, just because they are more intelligent, they have a right to have moodiness, depressions, or any other attribute. This even inflates their ego and self belief that whatever they do or not do is well deserved, because now they are ‘mentally ill’.

I have seen in many cases that these loved ones, even when they come into counseling are so cocksure of themselves that they do not believe they will gain anything from counseling. They don’t. Their own intelligence is such a barrier, which their parents have created around them, that they are unable to use that intelligence for their own betterment by seeking help from anyone outside the circle.

Families ensure compliance to Medication

Since families have a great amount of faith in modern medicine they do not believe that psychiatry does not have a cure for mental illness. In fact, I would go to the extreme of saying that in families where parents or siblings are doctors or scientists, the possibility of anyone recovering from any serious mental illness is quite remote. Due to their unquestioning faith in modern medicine they keep medicating their loved ones, without ever probing into whether medicines are really bringing any tangible outcome.

Families may become human rights violators

Nobody ought to be coerced or forced into psychiatric treatment, especially electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Families often believe doctors so blindly and rather innocently, that whatever the medical professional recommends is to be taken as a rule. ECT  is a very controversial procedure which has long term repercussions for a person. There is no need to administer ECT to anyone, but doctors do not educate families enough, who are anyways only too willing to follow what psychiatrists say.

Often people are given psychiatric medication against their will and in spite of having no need for it, even on the sly (by mixing in food for instance). Those with mental illnesses are not allowed to choose their treatments, because their families believe they cannot decide for themselves. As a result they keep medicating them and pushing them towards the edge, for the rest of their lives, till they reach their end! Sadly, the human rights violations in mental health are the most in any category of health, and the most part of it comes from families.

Fractured Communications

In  a whole lot of families people do not talk to one another- either properly or at all. As a result whatever support could come to all of them due to interpersonal communication, does not come about. Everyone lives in an emotionally marooned state, spiritually shrunk, cold, deeply fatigued, restless and wounded.

Even if one of them finds a solution to a problem, since their inherent communications are flawed, they are not able to convey that to others. In my own work I have seen many a family member, including people with a diagnosis, have been enthused to either meet me, encounter my work or hear about the sort of work we do. However, they have not been able to convince other members in their families due to a long term loss of trust, in one another and in the fact that any other ways could appear, leading them out of mental illnesses.

Not only in my case, but often due to lack of communications, people do not seek any other social mechanism to deal with mental illness, apart from free resources that the internet offers them.

[1] Throughout this writing I have used the phrase ‘loved one’ to refer to those who have been given a mental illness diagnosis, rather than calling them someone with a mental illness.

You are NOT your label

For many months I have been wanting to write about Suneetha (name changed) who has been talking to me over the phone, ever since she read my article about recovery from mental illness in the Hindu newspaper. Suneetha told me that she had a schizophrenia diagnosis for over two decades of her life and she had been on a number of medications for that and then the comorbidities that appeared later.

One of the key things for her nowadays is SLE (lupus in some form) and then irritable bowel syndrome, which keeps her movements outside her home restricted. When I heard her story long back, I figured she had no reasons for a schizophrenia diagnosis at all. She was given some simple tablet, which could very well  have been a placebo for all the doctor cared, but he certainly gave her a label. She was in her school going years then. Many things happened, including marriage, divorce, brother’s suicide, mother’s death and so forth. Her medications increased over time but none of them had anything to do with her schizophrenia diagnosis, but sometimes memory, sometimes stomach, sometimes concentration. She feels the need to go and seek medical help for these conditions, which I feel basically happen because she is alone, alone and alone! I sometimes admire her courage to live alone and manage to spend a day by herself. It takes a lot for a single woman to survive, without much social support, a job or any significant relationships. It is very courageous indeed.

On this blog sometimes I want to note the interactions I have with this woman, who is now in her early forties, is fearful of going out of her home because she has fear that she may have to go to evacuate her bowels suddenly, as the bowel movement is not predictable, and that has made her life very limited in many ways. Many a times I just talk to her for a short while, 35-30 minutes and offer her courage and alternative ways of looking at her life, which she does not mind considering for the time we talk and even later.

I think the only thing people need is a voice to offer them courage, hope and remind them that there is a reason to be alive. She just now told me that she was very suicidal for the last two weeks, just like her brother (she said). And then she felt better by staying closely connected to her sister’s daughter. Even earlier she has expressed to me that she is happy to be with younger children. So I wondered then why not she go and work in a school, of young children, instead of wanting to work in an engineering job, just because she trained to be an engineer? Is it so difficult to choose happiness, I wondered? Perhaps she  understood and at my recommendation she has been looking around for a school job for the last few months and no longer focusing on getting a job in a company or corporate.

On a parting note she said that she just wanted to hear my voice, instead of writing an email to me, because she feels a lot calmer, once she hears me. And I thought, how much she would benefit if she could be in regular interaction with different sorts of people, who do not constantly remind her of her diagnosis but see what good she offers to them. This is the general tone of my dialogues also with her- building hope and courage. I hope to see new changes in her life, for I can see she is trying to create a new story, and go beyond her diagnosis. I feel just a little more time and things will start looking up. I have to remind her and myself that jobs are not so easy to come by these days, as there is a recession in the market, all over the world, whether we are aware of it or not.

I have hope because the channels of communication are open and many things can flow on those pathways. Recovery included.

Renting a house or entering a war zone

I feel the need to move out of my current house, because it is somewhat isolatedDSC01006, and it cuts me in one corner of a small village in the South of Goa, which itself is considered a space, which is ‘non-happening!’. Not that I would have ventured far from here- just the next village.

So with great effort of several months, we found a house in the next door village and with the mediation of a person who is a nice, elderly, retired bank officer. With much ado we looked at the house, met the owners, not once, but at least half a dozen times, brought each of them to my current house and let them interact with my landlord, who shares my premises, to let him tell them of his experience with me as a tenant.

At the end of this long-winding road, they sent me a rent agreement; which I finally saw yesterday, after a span of ten days. I am sharing the language of the agreement here, direct from the draft. All the items that have been highlighted, cut off or in bold are my changes. However, having made the changes to this draft what I felt was, what I write the end of the draft.

NOW THIS AGREEMENT OF LEAVE AND LICENSE WITNESSETH AS UNDER :

 

  1. The Licensor hereby  grants a license and authorize the Licensee to use the said Premise for residential purpose for the period of 11 months commencing from 1th April 2015 to 28th  February 2016 for a total  License fee of Rs…./- (Rupees payable on or before every 5th day of each Succeeding month to the Licensor at his residence OR deposited in a designated bank account before the said date, via money transfer through electronic means.
  2. The Licensee hereby agree to pay the monthly compensation /Licensee fee of Rs…. to the Licensor regularly and punctually on or before 5th day of each succeeding month, failing which shall entitled penalty charges of Rs.100 per day in addition to the monthly compensation license fee for additional day of non payment beyond the due date and additionally and in such case the Licensor shall been title at his own option to terminate  the present agreement without giving any advance written notice to the Licensee.  
  1. For due and proper fulfillment of this Agreement the Licensee has deposited with the Licensor an amount of Rs….as security deposit .  The said amount of security deposit shall remain with the Licensor till the  Subsistence of this Agreement and the same shall be  refunded to the Licensee after expiry of the term of this Agreement after deducting  the amount of dues, if any, payable by the Licensee to the Licensor.
  1. The Licensee shall not carry out any structural alteration or repairs of the said Premise without prior written consent of the Licensor. If any such alterations are made or if any damages are caused to the said Premise, same shall be made good by the Licensee and Licensee and Licensor shall be entitled to adjust same from the amount of security deposit.
  2. The Licensee shall use the said Premise licensed to her for the bonafide purpose of residence only. The Licensee covenants with the Licensor that he shall not commit any waste or cause any damage to the said Premise.
  3. The said Premise is provided with separate electricity connection and Licensee hereby agrees to pay the actual amount of the Electricity bill received as and when the bill are issued by the Electricity Department and also liable to pay Water charges as per the amount of water bill to the Licensor, after the commencement of the period of the rent. No prior bills need to be borne by the Licensee.  After termination/expiry of the present agreement.  License shall have to clear all outstanding dues and produce valid receipt of the clearance of such due  and the Licensor shall be entitled to adjust  the unclear bills with the same deposit and hold back the payment of the security deposit till the same are cleared to the satisfaction of the Licensor.
  4. The Licensee shall upkeep and maintain the said Premise during the continuance of this license. They shall keep the electricity and Water connection in good and running condition.
  5. The Licensee shall use the said Premise licensed to him for the bonafide purpose of residence only. The licensee agrees to keep the said premise in the same condition as it is license to him subject to normal wear and tear and loss or damage caused to the licensed property shall be made good by the Licensee.  The Licensee solely responsible for any damages caused by the short circuit etc. occurred due to the negligence of the Licensee.
  6. The Licensor shall have the right to visit the said premiseat all reasonable time during the business hours to see its safety and for any other inspection by fixing a prior appointment with the Licensee.  without prior notice to the Licensee.
  7. The Licensee shall not sub let assign and or in anyway part with the possession of the license either by forming partnership or a company with any third party.
  8. The Licensee shall not carry any illegal activities in the said premise nor shall store illegal good, explosive, combustible, hazardous or corrosive material in the said premise. 
  9. The Licensee shall not misbehave with neighbors. Should I not write that the Licensor will be responsible for all misbehaving neighbours?!
  10. The Licensee shall not cause any nuisance in or around the said Premise nor shall throw the waste material in the compound of the said Premise. 
  11. The Licensee shall keep the license Premise its fixture, furniture and fitting in good state and in the event if the license Premise, its fixture, furniture and fitting are destroyed or damaged due to negligence act on the part of the Licensee then the Licensee shall be liable to pay the cost/damage caused to the said Premise, fixtures, fitting and furniture to the Licensor as per the approved valuer.
  12. The Licensor can terminate this Agreement by giving one month written notice in case of breach of any term of this Agreement by the  Licensee.  The Licensee can terminate this Agreement by giving one month written notice to the Licensor.  In both events Licensor shall refund security deposit after adjusting outstanding license fees and other dues as aforesaid if any.
  13. The Licensee shall hand over a peaceful and vacant possession of the said Premise to the Licensor at the expiry of the period of license.  If the Licensee fails to give vacant possession of the license Premise, after the termination or expiry of this Agreement, the Licensor shall be entitled to claim compensation / meanse profit @ Rs.2000/- per day for the entire period of such illegal and authorized use of the said Premise with immediate effect.  The Licensor shall refund to the Licensee the security deposit amount of Rs…. without any interest only after the determination of the entire period of license period although the present Agreement may be terminated earlier in point of time.
  14. It is hereby agreed and clearly understood by and parties that nothing in these present shall be construed to confer any illegal rights of tenancy sub tenancy lease etc. on the Licensee and that Licensee can enjoy the use of the said Premise temporary subject to the terms and condition of this Agreement.
  15. The Licensee is taking in his possession the goods from the Licensor pursuant to the said leave and license Agreement.  The Licensee hereby undertakes to keep the same in good and working condition subjected to regular wear and tear and make good the loss if any caused due to damage or loss of the said goods.
  16. In case of any dispute that may raise by or between the parties about the terms of this Agreement or interpretation thereof than the some shall be referred to a sole arbitrator who shall be appointed by the Licensor and the award given by him shall be binding on both the parties.  The proceedings shall be governed by Arbitration and Conciliation Act 1996 or to adjudication shall be subject to the courts in Margao.
  17. The Licensee shall be held responsible for all civil and criminal act committed by him during the occupation of the said Premise.
  18. After expiry of the license period the same shall be extended or renewed at the option of the Licensor on new terms and conditions mutually agreeable to the parties with enhance in monthly compensation/license fee by 7.5% i.e. for the next 11 months if renewed.
  19. The Licensee shall not obtain driving license, ration card, Adhar card or any other documents on the strength of this Agreement without written permission from the Licensor.
  20. The Licensee undertakes to vacate the said Premise after completion of 11 months or else the Licensor shall be free to enter upon the Premise and after removing belongings of the Licensee and shall be free to take possession of the said premise in presence of two prominent persons or witnesses. (this was the clause that blew my mind up finally)
  21. If the Licensor takes possession as per the clause 23 of this Agreement and keeps the belonging items in the compound or the passage of the said Premise which belonging items etc.  subsequently stolen by any person/s then the licensor shall not be held responsible or liable to pay any cost of the stolen items to the Licensee.

Though on first sight I braced myself and decided to tone down their language, but later having done all that, put all the questions, the exclamations and whatnot, I felt, is this really a zone I want to enter? So this is the response I wrote to them

I find the language of this agreement extremely noxious and hostile and does not evoke my confidence to enter into a rent agreement with the said party for I feel they are capable of serious harm, as their language is so ‘angry’ and full of spite. They seem to be renting out their premises, as though, to someone who is uncultured, uneducated and complete social nuisance. It is very disappointing to read what this rent agreement delineates. Perhaps I have to reconsider my decision to even rent out this place!

Considering I have lived always with such decency and that Hyginus Mascarenhas, my current landlord always had such cordiality in his association with me, which was a reflection of my cordiality towards him, I find this language to be very offensive to my sensibilities. My whole world is a world of communications and how we construct our relationships through language,and you know that well.

I am afraid we would  have to reconsider renting out this premises, given these terms and conditions. The alternative toning down of the language is what I am suggesting and sending back to you. Since you also have a copy of my rent agreement with Hyginus, you may want to check the language from there, to confirm for yourself how shocking the language of this leave and license agreement sounds.

When you enter into a rent agreement it is not as though you are entering into a zone of conflict where one person is offering their home to you and you are robbing them or intimidating them, or they you- and either party has to be on their guard all the time. If this is the attitude of anyone towards incoming tenants, they might as well not put up their home for rent- instead of showing this boorishness towards unsuspecting strangers. This way is strange indeed.

I have always considered my home a very sacred space and not a zone of conflict. Since so many people come and share their suffering and their stories with me, I in fact consider the space like a sanctuary and a healing zone. I do not think I can create a healing zone in a place which is so fraught with conflict and animosity.

On this note I decided I would not want to have anything with such people- who do not know the norms of basic civilized behaviour, human values and courtesy.

Losing sight of your Self

A few days ago a friend left a message saying he wanted to talk, over the chat box of fb. After a little effort of a few days we got together to talk. He suffered and I could see that, but having known him for a couple of years I could not connect the dots- though I never under-estimate anyone’s ability for suffering.

I sensed there was a dejection of the spirit and a pressure which probably had built over a long time, especially seeing one’s peers well established by a certain age and him struggling with holding on to a job. I think there are many people who need to find the groove they fit into before they can be in the groove for long enough- and for some that may be a difficult road to try out several grooves before you land up in the right one.

I have been seeing him for a long time and this is the sense I always got from him- that he was in search of the right groove, which would fit into his soul and unlock potential lying within, making him happy and feel fulfilled. The reality of life is a very funny thing. It seldom offers such linear solutions- so we have to constantly find our balance and adjust with whatever we have in our hands- that is what is called ‘compromise’! ALAS!

Anyhow, while counseling I look at everyone as someone who has momentarily lost sight of who they are, or is unaware of who they are in general. But with those who are in depressions, I particularly see that they have reduced themselves to self-hurting talk, that goes on inside ceaselessly. Instead of he telling me how he was feeling, I offered this  perspective –

I think you are feeling very overwhelmed by what you are faced with in a new job and also seeing yourself viz.a. viz, your peers and classmates and thinking they are all doing so well, while you are still searching for the right job. And possibly all the past hurt is also accumulated and giving you an overall sense of failure, that seems too large to handle. Plus in the new job that you are, you feel pressured to rise upto the levels of expectations others have of you and you fear you cannot deliver.

He agreed this was indeed the case. Of course about the new job I am only quoting his insights, for he felt that the goals were too high for him to acheive and he was closeted inside himself, instead of being able to interact with others around, for that made him feel insecure, as though they would be able to judge his lack of ability- while he of course has the ability. He just forgot this for the inner talk that went on inside him, made him feel like a loser.

And this is what I shared with him then, and my words to any who has momentarily lost sight of who they are-

what you are today is a culmination of all your past. Your past is not just made up of your failures, because even failures are new knowledge. You have a lot of strength, based on which you have been hired in the first place. Do not push yourself but be gentle and remember that what is your current goal, and which unnerves you, is already within your reach- that is why this goal has been set for you by those who hired you. They know you can do it.

Life is not a summary, it is an unfolding, in which we move from the past to the present, integrate the learning from our failures and successes, act in the present and lay foundations for the future. Do not see any of these as though they are complete within themselves.

Of course what I told him, was also in particular said to him, which was that

Even if you are not the way others are, of your age and among your peers, I feel you are on the path of finding an authentic expression of your soul, that is why this confusion, this search for gurus and teachers and new jobs and new colleagues, a certain restlessness. For most people a job that pays and takes care of their bills is all that they want. For ones who want a little more the price is bit unusual- so do not compare yourself with those whose yardsticks of living and measuring success are not determined my your scale.

I asked him how he felt after that. He said, he felt a lot lighter, and his spirits had lifted already!

This is what I work like– to just bring light into the darkness, in which a suffering spirit has encased itself. This entire dialogue happened within 20 minutes, and I knew my dal, that was cooking on the stove, would then burn, so I just pushed him away- but not before I was certain that the psychiatric diagnosis had been laid to rest. There was no depression that needed a cure- just a reminder about the divine that hides within and asks for recognition– a play that I always love.

I also put this under the head of relational leading, for had it not been the trust he had in me, to call me up to seek this insight, i could not have shed this light on the situations around him. His instinct lead him to me, but my instinct about him and his suffering lead him into a ‘clearing’ – the goal of the therapeutic dialogue accomplished for the moment.

Me- the collaborator 🙂

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Seeing the Full Elephant- Spirit, Science, Religion and Psychosis  

I am writing this piece in a general way so that even if you do not understand any of the disciplines that I am borrowing ideas from, you would be able to understand what I am talking about. This is my offering to you on these different, seemingly divergent issues- which flummox people on many sides of life (parents, doctors, social scientists, patients, religious followers, lay public, and scores of others), for they are not able to see beyond their disciplinary/experiential boundaries. To comprehend better, what I am about to share, kindly suspend any judgment about who I am or how qualified to write this. Just enjoy the writing, for whatever it is trying to share. (Since I will take several hours in writing it, with a view to shed more light on unconnected areas, I urge you to spend at least a few minutes, reading with some patience). I am annotating this writing with scores of resources, for you to refer- for I am not just writing from self experience, but self experience fortified by ideas and wisdom gleaned from the work of scores of people across the globe. This is not to suggest that I am the wise one here, but in bringing these ideas to you, I hope we will all grow from the possibilities that they open out for dialogues.

Birth Onward

I am going to start with the birth of a child. Recall that the process of birth itself is a dangerous, potentially perilous and fearsome journey, because a living entity from a primitive, borne in water form (just like the start of life on the planet earth, in water) comes into an aerial medium, through a birth canal- it can die in that process, the mother can die, the reasons for threat are many. The birth is a big triumph for so many and for the birthing mother is considered a second life. It is a big trauma- though not for all. So the state of trauma can come early- let us remember that. We know of many women who during the birth process have near death experiences, show signs of PTSD, as well. The same signs will come later in life when suddenly exposed to other traumas- rape, victimization of any sort, violence of a man made nature, natural calamity that threatens life, war, drowning, and etc etc.

Any child soon after being born is a creature of pure instinct- there is no reason,  judgment, or boundary. When there is an instinct for hunger it may cry, when it wants to ease its bowel or bladder, it does not wait for the appropriate location- it just follows its instinct and wants to ease that pressure. So that is the state when the ego, is in a primitive, undifferentiated stage- it does not recognize anyone, anything and so forth. In this state, since it has emerged from an amniotic environment, it can only connect with its mother, in a parasitic (helpless) dependence. Recall here the idea of id-ego-superego, given by Freud.

The next stage is the development of the ego stage- it starts differentiating between it’s self and another, family and outsiders and so forth. If you recall psychology is the discipline that wants to start seeing from an early stage how the mind learns, trains and starts getting ready for a role in society, someday in the future. Most development of the ego remains just that- attachment, connection, identification with self. So if you recall, people who are called egoistic are those who think that they matter the most or what they have to say matters the most, their own knowledge, or sense of self is very heightened. So anyhow the field of psychology is all about studying the path of this development and where it goes off its set path. What is the set path of anyone? If you recall the work of Freud, for him the stages of development of every human are so significant that he reduces everyone to their libidinal instincts only and psychoanalysis comes to center around the early years of a person’s life- and trying to identify the present, using the yardsticks of the past. There is something right about this and something wrong.

Just like they say a mighty oak hides inside a little acorn– the potential of each human lies inside it’s body- but nobody can see where it hides- it has to go through its own maturation, its unique experiences and become a special person, different from everyone, different from the ones who created it. This potential is different for everyone- just like any species. From the birth if someone follows a path of becoming who they are destined to, which is given as potential, this path is called the path of individuation (Jungian terminology). But often it is not easy to follow the path, in a linear manner. Everyone faces hardships of one or another kind, the path is not exactly laid down like a blueprint- it changes in response to external stimuli all the time. On the path many hurdles lie for everyone, and sometimes the hurdles can be extremely painful too, like loss of a mother, accident and loss of a limb, sudden disabling condition, war, calamity, physical violence, abusive family or anything else- the possibilities are innumerable. That changes the path of individuation and a person like a plant has to undergo many a season, many a mishap if it has to survive till an older situation. When these mishaps and traumas do not get addressed at the time when they occur people do not get over their impact, or they may be unable to express them, for they do not understand what happened. For instance take the case of a child who faces an abusive/incestuous adult at home. All these sufferings, these lack of expressions come to lie hidden in a person thereafter, and keep getting added to other suffering, which life necessarily brings.

C.G. Jung and Analytical Psychology

According to Jung, a person’s potential is not a sexual template but a spiritual one- and he tells us that the whole of human history lies coded in every person- called the collective unconscious, with which we have no regular communication, except through dreams and symbols. Those symbols are not such convenient ones like the logo of Coke/Pepsi. They lie hidden mid folds of stories that are handed down in every culture- through its mythology, fables and fairy tales. He also shares that the reason why mythology acquires any significance via gods and goddesses is not because they were real beings, but they were chosen to carry forward the messages that a culture wanted to transmit, about itself for generations ahead, through simple stories. They are patterns of behavior, which are chosen to be identified as desirable or noteworthy and made an example of.  So the power of a story in mythology does not lie in the story itself, but in its interpretation.[1] Joseph Campbell did some remarkable work in the area of mythology by studying the mythology of scores of peoples across the world and then he wrote many a book, for me personally a great book- The Hero with a Thousand Faces (life changing book as I see it). The essence of the book was that he brought together any number of stories from around the world to harbor on the fact that the HERO is not one person (only)- he can have a million forms, faces and voices. But ultimately every ‘hero’ (that potentially lies in every human as his/her unique potential) has to go through a big circle of suffering, losing his way, whiling his time, getting a reminder of who he is and then making the labourious journey of finding a way back into the world, with the learning gathered, and if possible, offer that to others. This pattern in every story of a mythic dimension is what Campbell calls the monomyth. It runs through any mythic story,(or any human’s story) from anywhere in the world.

If, at this juncture, you may be reminded of the story of Siddhartha, who is born a prince- goes on a difficult path because his allure for life has been jolted. He sees the possibility of death, suffering, old age and whatever else it was, to realize that everyone will go that way. If you have read the road he takes, he followed no footprints- his is a search, often a perilous one, for he can even die in the process. But he does not- he survives, become the Buddha, and returns back to civilization- to offer that method to others.

The Underworld

That is the method which all those, who makes a descent into what Jung calls the ‘underworld’ (not the one of gangsters/mafia, but one’s own unconscious mind) have to take by default. Those who have long years of depressions, who have nightmares of gigantic proportions, who see great suffering for one reason or another-  descend into a land which inspires fear, where nobody would want to go out of choice. Descent into this underworld may be a one way road for most, because they do not know how to integrate the experiences of that world with the day-to-day reality of living. Their entry into the underworld may be a result of a suicide attempt, a rape, a war, a family violence, a poor exam performance, a divorce or anything else. They become lost, fearful, worried, confused, anxious and bothered. Seemingly simple things like accidents, family violence, bullying at school, dominating adults in the family , untimely  loss of a parent, or anything else that makes a child insecure can much later in life manifest in a sudden descent of the spirit.

I am now going to bring this descent of the spirit, into a contrast with its ascent, due to sudden equally unexpected situations, in a format possibly unfamiliar to many- the serpent power in the subtle body.

The Game of Consciousness- from self to the transpersonal realm

Let me make this transition via the theme of the collective unconscious lying dormant inside every person. In the yoga tradition there is a similar thing- called the kundalini– lying dormant inside everyone. The important thing is that traditions of antiquity have methods to evoke experiences of kundalini (and kundalini -like experiences, including among the natives, the medicine men/shamans and among those who are not averse to a little intoxication via natural opiates. Also recall in this context the issue of drug induced psychosis) and they are meant to be done under the watchful guidance of those who know. But are such knowing guides really so accessible? I have seen many ‘spiritual masters’ who talk about Shaktipat, or about kundalini yoga and whatnot quite laughable, rest assured. Anyways this is not to lampoon anyone. The idea that I am coming to is that there is something called- kundalini, [2]the serpent power, said to lie dormant in every person, at the base of their spine in a form of a coiled serpent (I am not going to give an explanation but hints about many things- read more if you want to). I am not going to get into the debate about whether there is something like kundalini or not, because it does not matter to me. I really do not care about kundalini, as much as I do not care about the electricity coming into my home. If it is an asset to me, I like to honor its presence, when it goes off, then I have something to worry about.

In some cases, this kundalini ‘wakes up spontaneously’- and it runs through the spine in an upward direction. (Even if you do not believe this, just keep reading.) It is a very powerful energy and can unsettle everything in a person- for there is no explanation what happened, how it happened, where the trigger came from and what it means, how one has to behave now, who to talk to. If, of a powerful enough dimension- it may lead to psychosis- then you see all those ‘symptoms’ called grandiosity, running helter-skelter, flight of imagination, racing thoughts, inability to focus and …(please read DSM if you like). But this term ‘psychosis’ is the terminology of psychiatry- based on the outwardly visible ‘symptoms’.

What happens in reality is this- (okay this is self experience speaking now)- a powerful electrical current becomes present in the body, and it keeps the body in a faint vibration, like a hum; just a little more powerful than the one that you may experience upon being intoxicated. Now what happens with alcohol is that after awhile the intoxication comes down and the person is ‘restored’ to normalcy, whatever it had to be. But in case of kundalini/psychotic upheaval the sensation does not get over- it just stays. It makes a person ‘extroverted’, happy, as though intoxicated, carefree and of course expansive- one wants to share this strange sort of ‘happiness’ with others, but does not know how to say it, in what words and whether they cannot see it as well.

Remember this is the so-called divine potential unleashed in a person who is not ready for it; just like a wire that suddenly has a huge voltage passing through it, but was not expecting it. I must refer you to the writing of Swami Rama here, in particular when he refers to the similarity between the manic and the mystic (Book: Yoga and Psychotherapy, Himalayan Institute)

Religious traditions train their neophytes in various ways and by severe disciplines for any such process to happen- by training their mind, senses, body and thought processes. But awakening the kundalini is not considered necessary by any stretch of imagination, among the truly spiritual. The training of the mind for action without reward is considered more important. (If interested please read Kundalini- by Gopi Krishna). On the other hand, you may be aware that there are several unscrupulous people who want to use the ‘divine’ potential in ‘ugly’ ways- the tantriks etc.

The issue of kundalini that I understood finally is that kundalini is the cosmic consciousness lying inside everyone – a coiled serpent, at the base of the spine. So psychosis is nothing but the spontaneous awakening of the divine potential and a person coming to understand that though s/he is a body , there is also a bigger picture- s/he is also a fragment of the divine. That makes initially (or permanently) people go berserk- because they can see their cosmic potential and believe that –I am god/Jesus/the Saviour etc etc (aham brahmasmi).  We in India know that Aham Brahmasmi comes from the Upanishads, into our traditions. In other words the Upanishads are testimony that though man is a mirror of a cosmic maker, yet there is a path of knowledge and virtue that needs to be followed in order to truly awaken the cosmic potential. Now the Upanishads are the highest knowledge of the Indian civilization that is agnostic or perhaps predates religion. There is no religion in the vedic age- but nature worship. So the human is one with his natural element and through that expresses every aspect of life. Moving away from nature, if you can connect the dots, moves people from their natural and easy selves to their unnatural/cosmetic/dis-eased selves!

The greater issue is that even if the cosmic potential awakens spontaneously, it cannot be utilized unless the person learns to harness it. It is like saying that you have a huge voltage passing through yet you cannot handle the charge- so the body breaks down, the mind breaks down and it causes ‘madness’ . In this case psychiatry enters and says it can handle something that it does not even recognize as such- where are the tools in psychiatry to understand the ‘subtle body’ in which this so-called ‘divine’ potential resides, there is a whole array of nadis, the three dominant ones being ida, pingala and sushamana? I am not accepting anything or rejecting anything. I am simply putting the facts in front, as I have understood in over two decades of my own studies and research.(in fact in Gopi Krishna’s book, there is an explanation about why the wives of Krishna are said to be 16,000 or whatever their number is. That coincides with the number of nadis a person has). I must add that the entire spiritual traditions of India provide subtle and gross references to these things, in different ways. I of course found my anchor in Kabir there, because he was the one master who wrote very clearly about it, without really revealing anything, to those who could not understand. (The more difficult task after the spontaneous awakening is to ‘earth’ the kundalini, otherwise it will make you mad permanently- nobody can handle it. There is a great book in this context- After the ecstasy, the laundry. Please read it in case you have had an experience of this nature. It talks about integrating the knowledge, which is more arduous than one can imagine. It takes years and years, or decades. Even then, there is no guarantee one would learn. In my own case it took me years and repeat incidents of ‘psychosis’ till the time a time came when I would not go into any psychotic breakdowns any more, but simply watch the ‘game’ like a game, and not be ruffled by it, not get hyper in any sense and just accept the polarity of the universe playing within, like the sun and the moon- and carry on my day to day, extremely tough and deliberately solitary life.

Those of you who are aware of the idea that the spiritual traditions recognize that this universe is nothing but consciousness, the human and divine just two aspects of it, will comprehend that there is nothing high or low about it. It simply IS- no judgement. A great amount of work in this realm has been contributed by Stanislav Grof and Cristina Grof- the former being a psychiatrist. What he has done is so remarkable that every psychiatrist needs to at least read it, if not dare to follow. He risked himself by becoming a subject for LSD research and experienced the play of consciousness physically and he writes about that in many books, including The Cosmic Game. Of course the book that I was first introduced to was the Stormy Search for the Self.

Grof could see the continuity in LSD research, the shamanic traditions of the world, psychosis and much else. His wife’s near death experience (NDE) during child birth, brought in the concept of PTSD, and became the reason for her to be involved in the same journey that led in due course to the Holotropic Breathwork technique they created and share internationally.  I also found identical ideas, during years of my own inquiry, in the Sudarshan Kriya, though I found it lacking in depth (which no doubt now it must be gaining due to being investigated in medical departments). There are more such things in every religious practice anywhere, where the focus lies on breath. As we all well know, hatha yoga of course begins there- pranayama is one of the first four tenets; prana- meaning life force energy that is manifest through the breath.

Bringing you back to Psychiatry

If you can see from my writing, the two people who contributed immensely to newer understandings, are Jung and Grof- both psychiatrists by training. Of course both created huge traditions, with thousands following in their ways and me learning from all. The Jungian method lead to the tradition of analytical psychology and Grof- transpersonal psychology.

I am now taking you to a different pole- where you get to see the birth of psychiatry itself! This is a very tricky place, because this is the realm of Charcot and France now- (please read Foucault’s –Madness and Civilization, if interested). Foucault shows how madness is ascribed to people who cannot express their suffering properly by a man, who is a powerful physician, who has a great social standing and prestige, and who has the guile to transform the inability of people to express their suffering coherently. So where they lack language, he puts in his own- he becomes their ‘representative’- his language is his representation of their suffering and in fact nothing but a ‘social representation’[3].

Have you ever noticed how socially marginalized people look up to those who they perceive as having a better social standing/class? They feel helpless and meek in front of them. They dare not oppose what the ‘rich’ say. In such a case if a poor wo/man would go in front of a rich person, and the rich person says, ‘you are an idiot’, the poor wo/man will accept it with resignation that the ‘rich’ man really knows better. (Please put this in the same location as poor and rich countries as well). So a rich man, who has close connect with the nobility goes around telling in his evening parties and soirees all about the patients he saw. (I really recommend you read how he is amused at discovering that ‘hysterial’ women are mostly those who are younger women married to older men. But he does not tell this to anyone- he just knows he has ‘figured out’ the roots of hysteria!!). You may know, like me, that many younger bahus in families, because they are periodically the subject of family oppression, show these signs. I also know this to be true for young girls who are not being allowed to marry the boys of their own choice.  If you marry them with the boys they want to, all ‘symptoms’ will instantly disappear! ( one must listen to Parvez Imam about the film he made in this context- yet another psychiatrist here).

So here we are now- back into real world – where the suffering of someone, coming from a huge history behind it, gets to be given a label of ‘mental illness’. By-the-bye, just in case you do not know, Charcot was also one of the early influences of Freud, who in turn influenced Jung. In other words, they were all looking at human behavior and trying to comprehend the reasons for the so-called ‘abnormal’ behaviours. That is why through psychoanalysis and talk-based interventions their hope was that people would be able to go back into their unconscious mind, where their traumas and suffering lay hidden, and possibly in the presence of a person trained to help, be able to get past those traumas.

Anyways, by the time the DSM came into its third version, this behavior-oriented psychiatry was abandoned in favour of the biomedical view, because now the pharma industry wanted to have a fair share of people’s suffering. So psychiatry became a tool for the pharma industry to ‘sell’ cures that simply were not there- in what manner can psychiatry deal with the suffering of a child whose mother committed suicide at age eight, other than stamp her with a schizophrenia diagnosis at age 17, 19 or 22? I strongly recommend two books[4] at this juncture. Ethan Watters[5] talks about the DSM and how it is ‘sold’ to the world by America and another book called Mad Science- Psychiatric Coercion, Diagnosis and Drugs. Both are researched and written in the US.

What happens to people in ‘poor’ countries

The fact of lives in poor countries is that their poverty is not just  chance or destiny ordained by the heavens above. They are the unfortunate bearer of the progress of the rich countries- to the extent that now they are so poor in so many ways that even ‘knowledge’ does not reach them. So if the research that I have quoted above were to happen in India (first of all it cannot happen in India, because the sort of data that has been quoted here, would never be available), it would be kept so ‘hidden’ from the public eye that nobody would know.

There is a ‘culture of silence’ at work in poorer countries- anyone who opposes/questions anything (coming from the dominant West) is marginalized or made to look like an idiot or a threat to society. It is very easy to silence someone by making them ‘invisible’ or ‘inaudible’. Most people would not have access to the sort of books it takes to arrive at any real, paradigm shifting knowledge.

The knowledge that is effectively handed out in our universities and institutions, (especially in departments of psychology etc) is all second hand knowledge that is disseminated from the West, repackaged in Indian syllabi and taught to students as though it is the last word. Students memorize theories and ideas and spit them out in exams and become ‘qualified’ to heal others (naturally I am talking in terms of psychiatrists and clinical psychologists etc). If there is any other form of ideas they are derived from quantitative studies that do not examine the differences, diversities and individual realities of people’s subjective experiences.

Where does that leave anyone?

You may have heard of the story of the blind men looking at the elephant. In case you have forgotten here is a great link to remind its metaphor- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant. The symbolism of this story is so significant that it is used in various parts of the world with minor variations.

What my theme from the beginning of this ‘essay’ has been to share with all of you, those ideas which come from such diverse directions that unless you are aware of them, anyone will take a great amount of time to land there unexpectedly. I have spent nearly 23 years of my life to attain this connectivity, coupled with much writing, dabbling in music, encounters with holy men, wise wo/men, sadhus, monks, academics, ‘ill’ people and whatnot to come to this mental and linguistic ‘clearing’ that I can offer you some of these ideas, in this manner. The rest is for you to see, what interests you, makes sense or not, may be it is all nonsense for some.

In the end it is my hope that given the manner in which I have brought all these divergent ideas into a convergent sort of a frame- where the journey of the aggrieved person is not a mental illness but a quest for wholeness, I hope many would be able to help others who they encounter where they do. And I on my part am getting ready for the next phase of my life- in sharing/teaching the path that I have discovered, so that many more heroes will come, in their various faces, voices and contours and each heroes journey will contribute to the overall good of the world.

Thank you for reading till this point. I offer you another linked piece of my writing that I never really wrote fully, but the theme was identical. Kindly click this link for it – https://www.academia.edu/4923393/Madness_as_Search_for_Authenticity

Last, though not the least- I will be thankful for any feedback/comments, but only on blogposts, where they will last longer, and not on email please.

[1] I invite you to read the myth of the churning of the ocean, from the Hindu tradition, as per my interpretation and relevance to the modern time- http://merakabir.blogspot.in/2009/07/mythology-of-churning.html

[3] Social representation is an idea in social psychology, according to which every one who represents himself or another is making a social representation. The representation of someone’s suffering by another, by changing the language of their suffering, into one’s own (medical or specialized) language is nothing but another such act.

[4] In case anyone of you cares to come by to my home, you can see/read them for yourself.

[5] Here is a blog post that shares a few resources as well- https://inprateeksha.wordpress.com/2014/12/17/making-madness-uniform-and-global-the-american-way/

A new ‘madness’ of blog statistics

I remember when I started blogging, it was long ago. I was ill- quite ill. There was nobody to talk to, and I would just talk to myself via the blogs I wrote. A blog represents a notebook to me, where I put in ideas of a similar kind in one folder. In a way I used blogs like multimedia. My brother had got me a digital camera- i loved the medium of photography. It was engaging, made one focus and concentrate, it was a communication for one was trying to say something without having anyone to listen to it.

I have not yet written much about it, but in a recent article I wrote about using the arts for self help and I want everyone to understand that we can all utilize the options within the arts for self healing. Without worrying about what response a blog gets, one should just write- because the purpose is not to impress anyone, but to express yourself, clarify your thoughts and streamline ideas cogently. Blogs can be an effective medium for rehabilitation from mental illness- I talk from self experience naturally. In the earliest blogs I wrote I would observe life around me, very insignificant life – nothing spectacular about it. it gave me an inner peace and quietude to watch the lives of people around me. Day-to-day lives, not celebrity or special people, very simple, humble folks who would make my day and my life move around- even if they made it ugly. I would sometimes capture it in poetry or in writing, mix with photos and post it on my blog. Sometimes I had other recollections or dots to join. I had nearly 14 blogs on blogger alone, and now on wordpress there are at least six-seven. Most of them are shared and some are linked to one another as well. Blogging was therapeutic for me-seriously.

In the article that I recently wrote, this is what I say-

Writing on the road to recovery

To initiate the process of communication one can  directly establish it via literary expressions, like poetry, short stories, blogs, novels, or any other form of writing. At first it may be difficult to start  any of it, but that does not stop anyone from reading them. Then a point comes where the inner anguish starts finding a verbal expression via literary devices. Scores of people write poems about their mental anguish and also find publishers for it. Nowadays with the advent of social networks, and in particular blogging- a whole lot of it can  be shared easily.

Writing is an effective medium toward reclaiming one’s lost sense of identity, and initiating a flow of communication from the heart, even if nobody is paying heed. Frequently during deep depressions people just forget language and words. A small start one can be made- by reading. The idea is to find a mechanism of expression and not remain emotionally frozen or bottled up. Even if one’s own expression is frozen, someone else’s writing  can become a path to connect to your own self.

Why bother about blog statistics! (for goodness sake, just write)

In the times that we live in, I notice a new thing – or maybe only now I get to read/hear about it. it is about blog statistics- the sort of stuff this post shares with you. I am not sure about the utility of people worrying about how many are reading what they are writing- is your writing nothing more than attention seeking? Why this all time obsession for who is paying heed or who is not? Why the exhibitionism? Perhaps this is a new way to show how anxious you are or how keen to impress. Once upon a time I did not even know whether anyone read my blog or they didn’t. The reason why I am doing a blog is to share simpler things- for the more complex, i will probably choose a journal article or a book.

I see whole blogs dedicated to telling people how to get more readers for yourself or how to attract further attention. Of course these ideas have utility in the own right- however if people only start worrying about blog statistics instead of worrying about creating meaningful work, or about finding their own expressions, it would be detrimental for them in many ways.

People need to think about these issues in the context of mental health. I, for sure, am thinking in the context of how anxiety comes to us from life around, from social triggers and from things which are insignificant yet become significant. Research reports about social media say how young people (or people) derive a sense of satisfaction when people ‘engage’ with their posting of photographs and one-liners. In a curious twist they also ascribe their sense of self and confidence to these posts. Instead of engaging with people on a heart-to-heart, real life basis, people are happy to just click LIKE buttons and so forth on social media (i am particularly referring to facebook). So I am going to warn about the egoistic or social utility of blog statistics- even if they give you a momentary kick about how popular you are becoming.

The reality of life is that we do not need to be popular- we need to be true to our core, once we know what the core is. It is easy to be inane and get popular (without offence, to be like a filmstar in India). But if you search in your heart of hearts and see whether you really did the most you could have done to ameliorate human suffering, you will realize that a lot of things do not really achieve that end!. A film star’s significance to my mind is less than that of a farmer- for the farmer is creating something of real utility, while the filmstar is just acting and not even living up to the role after the acting is over. S/he is also taking a lot more money home than a farmer…anyways these are simple or complex issues depending upon how you see life. There can be a whole worldview on what is worth doing in this world. To someone like me, whatever I do, should diminish the misery of life around- for anyone- even one person in a day, even if they do not give me anything in return. In a nutshell being truthful to your core is more important than being popular…truth will last longer than popularity- in any field of life and work.

We certainly do not want the DSM’s next version to have a new category titled- blog-statistics induced anxiety/neurosis (becoming BIN!). Trash it! 🙂

Anyways, just to share with you the trigger that got me to write this post- The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 930 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 16 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.